Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
