I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
