Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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