There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
