there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
