It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
