I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
