I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm too high and old for this...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
