I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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