I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
