Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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