I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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