you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
