My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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