Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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