Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
