If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
