At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
