You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
