I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
