we have pet lesbian snakes
My liver just broke up with me...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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