I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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