that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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