Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
