ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
