Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
