I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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