I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
