Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
