I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
where does the pee come out of this thing
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
