Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
