is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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