it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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