Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
