We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
