Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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