Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
