i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He felt like a one man threesome
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
