my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
