you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I understand Curling. That high.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
