She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
