It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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