Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
