Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize