When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
