Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
