so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
