Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
