I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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