She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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