They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
