My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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