they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
