I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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