I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
