just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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