You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it was like eating out sand paper
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize