My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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