I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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