this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
