She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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