youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
