The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
