I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
