i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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