we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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