I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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