M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
