i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
