marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
