Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
