Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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