I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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