yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
