i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
