i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
