Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
