4 words: hood of his car
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
