she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
