i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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