so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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