I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
