I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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