I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize