I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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