apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
