Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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