I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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