They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize