Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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