The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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