Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
