her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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