I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
40s are totally the cure
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
