i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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