this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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