My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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